Trying to remember your own memories and looking for the future

I today started to read my blog the first time ever, since I started to write those lines a couple of years ago. First of all, I am sorry of making many errors or mistakes of using incorrect words or expressions or whatever. But I practically never did study English , I just picked it up sometimes after the college, in my young travelling years or later in business life. The same way I got my knowledge of German and Spanish.
Anyhow thinking backwards, due this blog, those beautiful memories of two years ago, with a short romance with an attractive young lady, Kaisa, gave me some, later, bittersweet momemts, I'll never forget.
However I am used to meet ladies time after time, I do like. As I am, I like, but never knowing,if involved for shorter or longer time.
As you, my readers know, I met her,Liisa, in New Year's Eve at Storyville Jazz Club here in Helsinki.
Yes,my target is Liisa,I have mentioned her name before. She is a beautiful black haired lady, who is absolutely careful considering our relationship. She has heard some stories of me, which might not be wrong, but ancienct. She is a difficult fortress, but I like to be the conqistador.

Having different kind of feelings

Last Sunday afternoon we had a memorial name's gathering day of my late ex-wife, and the mother of my sons, because a good friend of her's happened to have just the same name with her. That was her's, not my idea,to invite former family friends to have a party. I did agree. The feelings at the Sevilla restaurant in Hotel Pasila seemed soon to be not too good. We were 15 persons but after one and half hour much less. For me it was a bitter and unpleasant situation, at the same time a bad but and as always a normal venue to be arguing with my brother about some ancient things after too many drinks. Things, I even suppose to know or not.
There are so many issues I tried to work in my head during last days, and which seemed not to work. Especially not with Liisa. But I am happy, I have such old friends like Heidi calling me with her worries, and warm words even not knowing that I might be unhappy. Am I, I do not be so sure at all1